Halloween Countdown (Day 21: Citizen Kane)

Sometimes I think it's stubbornness that's driving me to write up these blog posts. And the fact that I've run out of ideas for quick and easy articles, as the last one actually took longer than expected. So, onto Day 21, with the WWE produced "See No Evil", starring one of my favourite wrestlers. Oh yes, there will be spoilers.....I really must get around to "Saw: The Final Chapter" in the next few days.

.....oh I get it, ahahaha.....

Okay, WHY did you pick this movie?

That's the thing, I didn't. A mate of mine called to my house before I went into town, and he suggested that we watched a comedy. So we went onto Netflix, and I was browsing through the Horror section, because as much as I like my comedies, I wanted to keep with the horror theme this month, what with these time consuming blog posts, I could do with the inspiration.

So my mate hovered over "See No Evil", and I made a reference to the star of the movie, Glenn Jabobs, who is better known by his WWE alias, Kane. And his lesser known gimmicks, Dr. Isaac Yankem D.D.S., and Fake Diesel.

My mate never heard of the movie, so I told him it was a WWE movie where Kane goes around killing people. I mentioned that I haven't seen it in years, but I remember it not being as bad as critics made it out to be. He was hesitant at first to watch it, but we agreed to watch the first ten minutes of the film, just to see Kane kill someone, and find something else to watch.

85 minutes later.....

We watched it to the end, and laughed our asses off throughout the whole movie. I never realised how unintentionally funny "See No Evil" actually is. It does have a fair bit of violence, gore, crude language and some partial nudity, which is surprising as it was produced by WWE Studios, who also produced "The Marine" and "The Condemned" at the time, which were generic action flicks whose only purpose was to turn its "superstars" into action flick stars in the vein of, well, the cast members of "The Expendables" franchise (which also includes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin).

However, because it was a WWE film, expectations and standards were pretty low from the get go. While the film can be praised for some elements that were surprising, it was also guilty of poor characters, a plot filled with many holes, and some weird scenes. If it didn't have the backing of the WWE, this movie would have been easily dismissed and forgotten, but I'm unsure whether it would have gotten more or less favourable reviews. Personally, the fact that it's a WWE film helps when watching it, especially if you are going to rip the piss out of it.

The story is not an entirely original one, as it does come off as "Friday 13th" set in the hotel from "The Shining", but it'll do as the plot for a generic slasher film. A group of young convicts, along with two guards keeping an eye on them, go into an abandoned hotel to clean it up, in an effort to reducing their sentences in the way of community service. One by one they get picked off, along with their eyeballs, by Jacob Goodnight (played by Kane, but I'll be referring him as Kane throughout this article because, let's face it, it's Kane), whom one of the guards had a run in with him several years earlier, as the survivors try to find a way to stop him and escape the hotel.

Normally I don't give an outline to the plot of the films I've been looking at this month, but I'm doing so just to point out some of the holes throughout the film (I'm sure there's more that I can't think of at the moment, but this list will have to do).

• Are these convicts meant to be teenagers? If so, they're about as convincing as the teenagers in "Beverley Hills 90210"
• How come male and female convicts are allowed to congregate with each other? Isn't that the whole point of separate prisons?
• Why are they wearing civilian clothing, and not prisoner outfits? They even have accessories such as designer glasses and MP3 players.
• Why are there only two guards assigned to look after eight prisoners in a huge abandoned hotel? Infact, why are they even allowed to stay there overnight?
• Do the guards not check whether any of the prisoners are hostile, in the event that one of them may start attacking people?
• Why is it that when the male guard finds out about a connection between two of the prisoners, where one of them could be in danger, he doesn't do anything about it?
• Why is it that the only person with any mobile phone signal is the blonde chick? No wait, scratch that, why are they even allowed to carry a mobile phone?
• Why is the owner of the abandoned warehouse allowed to stay in the same vicinity as convicted criminals, especially when there's not enough guards to protect her?

If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say the original plot was to have a bunch of teenagers, each with their own character cliche (the strong female lead, the goth, the nerd, the slut, the token black guy, the jock/jerk, the nondescript couple) who wander into a dilapidated hotel for the night, with unexpected results. But I guess they had to change the story to fit with the opening scene where the guard first fought Kane, hence turning the kids into convicts.

Believe me, you'll be making a lot of wrestling references throughout the film.

With those niggling issues aside, there is fun to be had with the Kane character killing off these people, and the ways his victims meet their end. It's also funny to see the usual horror film cliches pop up, along with stupid moments from the convicts where you'd swear they were begging to be found and hacked up. But there are other times where the film takes some surprising twists, some of which could be seen as clever or surprising, such as the early demise of the only character with the most developed backstory compared to the rest of the cast, the male guard.

But of course, because it's Kane, and while he does a pretty good job as a screen monster, there are other times where you can't help but laugh at him. The weirdest scene out of the whole film is when he has the goth looking chick with tattoos in a cage, and it looks like he is pleasuring himself while staring at her. Granted there is the backstory where it shows how he turned out the way he is, and the connection with the religious tattoos the chick has.....but it's Kane pleasuring himself. Ladies and gentlemen, WWE Studios is proud to present.....Wa-Kane Off!

Then again, maybe Kane just digs chicks with tattoos.....I can relate to that.

But the funniest part of the film has to be the undignified demise of Kane. It's one thing to get a pipe to the eye and fall from a window a few stories onto a glass roof below. But when said pipe hits the window ledges in a comical fashion along the way, and the added insult of a dog urinating into the empty eye socket at the very end, you can't help but laugh out loud.

So it turned out to be a comedy after all, albeit in the form of a "by the book" horror flick. Despite its many flaws, there were still plenty of good things about it, and it was entertaining to watch. Well, at least I found it entertaining, and while my mate says it's a terrible movie, he did have fun watching it, even clapping at one point due to the originality of a particular scene that I can't quite remember. But he did come up with one brilliant joke, which I'm jealous that I didn't think of it first.

"With all those dead bodies, at least he knows the name of a good Undertaker."

And on a final note.....

The finest moment in Kane's WWE career.