Sunday, June 09, 2013

Dead Cheap (Night Of The Living Dead 3D)

This Week In Movies: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (better than I thought it would be, and a lot better than the original), Seven Psychopaths (second time watching it and it's still funny), Not Another Teen Movie (forgotten spoof film that came out around the same time as Scary Movie, still better than the pathetic excuses of spoofs nowadays), The Purge (while I liked the idea and concept, the house invasion setting is a bit of a letdown), and The Expendables (a lot of fun and now I want to watch the sequel again).

I find myself going with a running theme as of late. It started with my drunken recollection of the colour print of Night Of The Living Dead, and then with the disgraceful remake of Day Of The Dead. Now thanks to Netflix I have come across this week's movie; Night Of The Living Dead 3D. In "glorious" 2D. Which means a lot of scenes obviously intended for 3D (hands reaching out towards the screen for example).

Now that I think about it, it's been years since I've seen the first remake of this film (starring the guy who played Candyman), and I must check it out again as not only did I remember like it back then, it was the first "Living Dead" flick I ever saw. So until then this will have to do.


76 minutes later.....

Well, at least it was more of a faithful remake than Day Of The Dead (2008) in terms of its connection to the source material, I'll give this movie that much. Which is established from the very first shot which shows the opening scene of the original film playing on a television in a petrol station. It starts off the same sibling characters in the graveyard, only in this one the brother is much more of a dick, and manages to drive off when the undead first appear.

The opening section of the film also introduces one of the main characters of the movie, Tovar Jr., played by the only name actor from the rest of the cast, Sid Haig (of House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devils Rejects, among others). I got the feeling that the budget for this film went mainly into two things: the 3D effects in post production, and Sid Haig's fee. Which must not be a lot since, after the brief introduction, he doesn't come back until 30 minutes from the end.

While watching this, I was wondering if this film was ever shown in a movie theatre, or whether it was just using the early type of 3D technology which required the old school plastic green and red glasses, which never really worked to begin with. But considering that Barbara ends up in a house with a bunch of stoners watching Night Of The Living Dead on TV, I think it's safe to say what type of people this film is aiming for.

Revenge Of The Spliff (quote from NOTLD:3D).

For the first half of the movie, despite its shortcomings it was at least watchable. The zombie make up is so bad it makes the original Night Of The Living Dead look Oscar worthy in that department. There are repeated shots of the house and the porch which pads this already short movie. Not as numerous as Hansel & Gretel: Warriors Of Witchcraft mind you, but enough to invent a drinking game out of it. Plus it does have a nude woman who turns into a Big Tits Zombie.

Halfway through the film Sid Haig is reintroduced, which at first is welcome as he clearly has more acting talent than the rest of the characters locked in the house. Plus I'm sure the makers of the film want to get the most out of him. Hell even the zombies had more acting talent than the actress playing Barbara. However, it is with the reappearance of Sid Haig that the film gets a little strange. The series of events are as follows:

  • Sid Haig explains that it was medical waste he never incinerated that lead to the dead rising.
  • An uninteresting subplot where Barbara finds out that the guy who saved her at the beginning, Ben, was a drug dealer, and becomes snooty about it. Given that the undead are chasing them, I think she has better things to worry about.
  • This is followed by her brother and her mother "finding each other", in zombie form. Considering that their families troubles were glanced over in the first five minutes of the film, I forgot all about this, hence the lack of any emotional attachment to people I rarely saw.
  • Sid Haig then turns into some wannabe prophet as the leader of the undead which comes out of nowhere, but is too confusing to be shocked by this turn of events.
  • Barbara gets away very easily from Sid Haig, who is left to the zombies. Strange how he goes on about his "achievement" in bringing back the dead that it never occurred to him that they just want to eat his insides.
  • When Ben and Barbara escape the garage, Ben suddenly has a tire iron sticking out of him. He says "I don't understand", and I share his confusion. Maybe it happened in the boot of the car when it went into reverse, but it didn't seem like the force would be able to do that. But at that point the movie is wrapping up, and I stopped caring a long time ago.

Curse Of The Living Dead (another quote from NOTLD:3D)


While the first half was paced okay, the second half just seemed to throw a lot of twists into the mix, some of which needed a little more explaining. I think the major saving grace for this flick is its relatively short running time. Any longer and it would have been a chore to sit through while in a clear (aka sober) mind. Then again when it comes to the second half, a few extra minutes wouldn't have hurt.

Not a particularly good movie, but still has enough stupid moments to warrant a laugh. At time of writing I find out that there is a sequel entitled Night Of The Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation. And wouldn't I know it, it is also on Netflix. So given my run of "Dead" movies lately, there is a good chance that it may be featured on this blog at some point.

And on a final note.....

There was a song at the end credits by a band called Radford, entitled Control. I tried finding it on YouTube and while there is one video found, apparently I can't view it on my side of the Atlantic. So I'm just gonna post this instead, as I haven't heard/seen this in a long time. Don't ask why I picked this.

Monday, June 03, 2013

The Filth And The Fury (Cradle Of Fear)

This Fortnight In Movies: The Avengers (so good I watched it twice, with different relatives each time), Robin Hood (I'm so glad I didn't pay money to see this in the cinema as it was so boring), Men In Black 3 (like the second film; not as good as the first one but watchable), Snakes On A Plane (classic fun film with one of the greatest quotes, courtesy of Samuel L. Jackson), Snow White & The Huntsman (better than I expected, although I'll never look at Kristen Stewart the same way again thanks to her two front teeth), Death Sentence (pretty decent revenge flick, with a very impressive chase/carpark scene), Next (interesting sci-fi related flick that kinda falls short towards the end), The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (I may be in the minority but I find this superior to the Swedish version), The Hangover (not as funny as I once remembered it but still entertaining), The Hangover Part II (I was convinced I put the first film on by accident), Bubba Ho-Tep (Bruce Campbell as Elvis, and a black JFK fight a mummy in a retirement home.....need I say more), Iron Sky (I already wrote about it here), Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (unlike The Hangover Part II, this sequel tries to keep the spirit while not relying on old gags), Black Dynamite (still funny everytime I watch it) and three minutes of Disaster Movie (I wanted to turn it off after 15 seconds).

As I get back into the swing of things on here after my brief trip away, I have decided to pick a film that I have mentioned a few times on here (that's not Punisher: War Zone). I ordered a second hand copy of this film off Amazon, and while there were some parts towards the end that skipped every now and then, it wasn't enough to make the movie unwatchable. Much like the missing reel off old work prints of films. And what did I choose? Cradle Of Fear.

As I said before, I watched this film while highly intoxicated among friends. One of which hated this film so much she just constantly distracted everyone by talking about how rubbish it looked, and just striking up any conversation going. While I never did figure out what was going on towards the end, it didn't really bother me. So this time I thought I'd try watching it from start to finish on my own.


120 minutes later.....

Well of course it was gonna be rubbish. It has Dani Filth from Cradle Of Filth in a starring role, for crying out loud. The production values are very low, the acting substandard, and the story, well, it's just four short stories loosely tied to an ongoing plot thread. The only other example I can think of this type of film is V/H/S, but even that had more of a budget and decent camera work and effects, despite the fact that it's supposed to be in the "found footage" genre.

Going back to the first time I watched this film, while the film does have its fair share of gore, the scenes I kept making fun of were the "gratuitous" scenes involving women, saying they were important to the plot. So in an effort to stretch this article to a somewhat decent length, I'll just briefly talk about each story, along with littering this blog entry with pictures of certain cast members. Hey, I dig chicks, what can I say?

I'm sure I used this pic of Emily Booth before.

The Demon Seed Story

It's not a bad opener to the film, if a little underdeveloped (as with the rest of the short stories). It also introduces the character of "The Man", who I'll just refer to as Dani Filth as I have difficulty referring to the arrogent little midget as "The Man". Plus it's just Dani Filth looking like Dani Filth on camera. It also gives you an idea to the lack of budget, acting talent and decent script, so you know what you're in for. And with the presence of Emily Booth, it just gives blokes an excuse to perv on women from here on out. Not me though.....ahem.

Important Plot Point: Emily Booth, before her "sex scene" with Dani Filth.

Robbing The Dead Story

This short tale of greed between two partners in crime leading to death is okay to watch, but at the same time drags this film down at a very early stage. It's far fetched even by tacky horror standards, and in connection to the ongoing story arc, has very little relevance. The small connection to it via the crime scene at the end is pretty much a repeat of the beginning of the last story, but without the inappropriate boobie groping by the detective

Important Plot Point: The two thieves having a bath together. Which is even more ridiculous when they're using the bathroom of the old woman that they just murdered.

The Leg-End Story

Now I said that the last story was far-fetched, but this one was tad confusing once I made the mistake of switching my brain on. Not only did I question the likelihood of attaching somebody's leg to another person succeeding, be it compatibility, biologically or even height wise. But I also wondered why the amputee lead actor would feel less of a man without it, especially as he has a hot girlfriend who obviously doesn't have a problem with it. I'm not even sure fully exploring the background, history or character motivations would help this story, so this one is just best to watch while shutting off the logical part of the brain. But I think the sight of Eileen Daly making out with a leg stump would do that automatically.

Important Plot Point: Eileen Daly, while making out with her amputee boyfriend.

Eileen Daly: can't find a respectable pic of her from the film, hence this.

The Sick Room Story

While this may be the most original and memorable of the stories in this collection (despite the disc skipping in some parts), it isn't without its faults. It does have an interesting take on the evils of the internet, albeit dated today, especially when it comes to what a certain type of nefarious person searches for. The twist in the end is a little predictable, but appropriate. Yet I don't know if it's to do with the short story format (or the fact that my brain switched on again), but not only do the lead character's addictive nature seem too hasty, but I don't know how he got away with attacking the woman he had a date with, considering that they both worked together, and no police involvement took place.

Important Plot Point: None. And the brief cameo of what looks like Morrigan Hel in one of the sample videos of the Sick Room site doesn't count, due to the nature of the scene in question.

The Main Detective/Psycho Story

There's not much to say about this really, as it is interspersed among the four stories above, and serve more as breathing space before each one. It does delve into the backgrounds of the two foes, as well as go into the motivations for their eccentricities, but by the time the next story comes around, these are quickly forgotten once this story thread comes back onscreen. However, they're not that intricate to begin with, so you'll still get the jist right up to the very end.

Important Plot Point: The detective groping the breast of the body of Emily Booth during the crime scene at the beginning of the movie. He makes some explanation as to why he does this, but c'mon, it's just an excuse to throw in some laughable groping scene. I suppose the film had to set the tone somehow.

Morrigan Hel: may as well.


While there are some horror fans that may find this amusing, the only group of people this film really caters for are fans of Cradle Of Filth. It's pretty much a feature length flick inspired by their explicit band t-shirts, one of which is currently featured on their Wikipedia page (NSFW especially to those who are easily offended). The film could have done with some decent editing, as the movie tended to drag during its two hour runtime. This could have been achieved by omitting the Robbing The Dead short story if needs be.

However, when in the right mindset, be it under the influence, laughing at badly made films, looking for a bit of smut with your horror, or even a combination of the three, this film can be entertaining to watch. Besides, it's a lot better than River Of Darkness, and it even has a certain scene that would even please those who hate Dani Filth.

And on a final note.....

Going back to the extra long opening paragraph listing all the films I watched in two weeks, one of which was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Below are the opening credits to the film, which looks like a twisted nightmare version of a Bond film (which is funny considering that Daniel Craig is in the film). Which is also cool because it contains contributions from Oscar winning composer, Trent Reznor (whose main band Nine Inch Nails are playing in Belfast in August).

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