This was another film I found in the horror section on YouTube, and I had a feeling that I would get around to watching it this month for this blog. It seemed right down my alley when I read the description. The original title for this movie was "El Mascardo Massacre", but it was soon changed to:
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| This also had the working title of "The Mexican Porn Massacre" .....I'm not joking. |
And if you've never heard or seen this flick, here is the full movie courtesy of YouTube:
75 minutes later.....
Well, the film was, erm.....I would say "disappointing", but then again, I didn't expect much from a movie about a killer luchador. Sure it's a low budget movie with a ridiculous storyline, horrendous acting, and has scenes which I guess were somewhat violent, but it just wasn't "fun" to watch, even with those elements in mind. I'm guessing the makers of this flick wanted the film to be played out straight, but in the end, it doesn't work in their favour.
And it's hard to guess what the next 75 minutes of the film is going to be like when it begins with a woman covered in fake blood screaming out of an old church, cuts to the opening credits with Mariachi music playing over ancient footage of Mexican Lucha Libre Wrestling, with the opening dialogue coming from a sleazy guy with a moustache telling the audience what a "dirty sanchez" is. Lot of mixed signals there, and we've only just started.
The group of victims in this movie consist of a sleazy porn director (I think his name was Alfonso, but I'm just gonna be lazy as usual and not check the facts), a fat cameraman (who looks like a slimmed down version of Hurley from "Lost"), three female pornstars (who I'll just call "Blondie", "Drunky" and Dallas, the latter as it was the only character name I could remember) and Blondie's brother (who owns the van they're all in), a stereotypical stoner idiot, who reminds me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo after a lobotomy. After a run-in with a "crazy local" who tells them of a ghost town nearby, the group head towards this location for their "film".
The characters have no real redeeming qualities to them in terms of personality, so it's hard to root for them throughout this film. For a while I thought the "hero" of the film was the slimmed down Hurley, as he was supposed to be the "nice but annoying" one of the group, he's of Mexican descent, so he knows about the wrestling legends and knows some Spanish. But then again, he's just as nice and annoying as the actual Hurley in "Lost".
But it turns out to be Dallas in the third act. I guess it's because she's the only one of the three women who looks less like a crack addict. And she was the only one not to show her boobs in the "porn shoot". And if you want to know (pervert), you'll find more nudity in "The Neverending Story" than this. But then again, she's the one that has the most work done, surgery wise, and looks like a cross between Fergie (from Black Eyed Peas), and Chasey Lain (the subject of a Bloodhound Gang song). But if I was to hazard to guess, I think she was cast in this film because she could do the following for one scene:
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| It's not as funny/horrifying/sexy as you may think. |
And since I had no interest in the well-being of the other characters, it's all down to the wrestling manic known as "El Mascarado", played by Rey Misterio Sr. (yes, he is the uncle of THAT Rey Mysterio in WWE). Granted he's no more ridiculous as Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees in terms of masked movie monsters. Hell, even "Voorhees" is painted on the side of one of the buildings. But he really becomes less interesting when his victims just look like he just smeared jam over their faces.
Okay, so gore is not his forte. So how about wrestling? Well he would be more threatening if we actually saw him wrestling, instead of two moves, a lot of throwing people around and walking very very slowly. There is a backstory where he was the sum of the parts of three missing Mexican wrestlers, but is that any reason for him not having the ability to run?
As for the "wrestling spots", not only are they under utilised, but they are thrown in at the worst times. El Mascardo's fight with Alfonso (or is it Alfonsa), was given more screentime in terms of throwing Alfonso around (four or five times on a bench), beating him up and killing him, than the "match" against Slimmed Down Hurley, luchador mask and all. Alfonso was no more important than Drunky (wandered off for no real reason), Shaggy (just useless to the plot and even offensive to Cheech & Chong) or Blondie (well, she was gonna die to be fair). So how did the showdown with SD Hurley go?
It starts with a face off, and just before we see them collide, the camera cuts to the corridor outside the room where the action is happening, with the camera slowly heading towards the closed doors to the room. Amid the sound effects of what we're supposed to imagine (instead of actually WATCHING a wrestling match involving a psychotic WRESTLER), Blondie tries to escape, and El Mascerdo breaks her back. But SD Hurley gets up, and THEN we see some wrestling moves. It lasts about about under a minute, in which SD Hurley is beaten, and then he rips off Blondie's face.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but what was the point in drawing out Alfonso's death when that much time and effort could be invested in the match with SD Hurley. Hell, if they wanted to make a big deal of Alfonso's death, why couldn't they just do the corridor shot for him instead? As for the "match" itself, is that the big build up? Couldn't they have thrown in a little more wrestling scenes? Sure they may be cheesy, but look what the movie is called? Wouldn't showing El Mascardo in action be the given thing in a film like this? I know Mysterio is old and SD Hurley is, well, slightly smaller than the real Hurley. But couldn't Blondie be thrown in the mix? I know it may be a bit predictable in itself but.....
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| .....okay I'll stop now. |
Maybe it's wise not to look into too much of the flaws of a film that was originally called "The Mexican Pornstar Massacre", so I think I'll should just move on and wrap this up as soon as I can. So in the final act, it's a series of chase sequences involving El Mascardo and his target, Dallas. She runs and hide a few times, we have a scene where SD Hurley's barely alive after having his face ripped off.....and we didn't see THAT in the match.....ahem, must not get distracted.
The other notable thing other than the crab leg trick in the final act is the part where Dallas' jean shorts get caught on a car door, and they are ripped off while running away. This just comes off as cheesy and stupid, instead of funny. And I know it's just an excuse to show up a close up of her ass afterwards. The whole movie has plenty of shots of women's asses, for any reason at all, for running, walking, hell, even when the chick is passed out.
With that aside, we end off with the opening scene of the film where we now know it was Dallas that was running out of that old church, heading towards the truck, where in the end she gets impaled by a spiked pole goes through her abdomen, he grabs the keys to the truck, and drives off into the sunset. To me it's a very so-so ending, as I am indifferent to any of the characters in the film, so this finale doesn't resonate with me.
It's just made worse where there is backstage footage of the actor who played SD Hurley rapping to the camera describing scenes from the movie. What a slap to the face after getting the proverbial kick in the balls, of which entailed watching this movie. Ladies and gentlemen, the tale of unlikable jerks killed off by a slow moving Frankenstein monster on steroids.
Wait a minute. Slow moving? So how did Dallas get a pole through her while she was running towards the truck? Everyone was able to run away from him no problem. They were able to prepare themselves when they know he is walking towards their direction. So how did El Mascardo kill her? Did he run into invisible ropes which gave him super speed? Did he throw the pipe? If so, how come it went straight through her, instead of coming at her at an angle? Was he that powerful? Did he have to run first? But if he can't run, then how could.....
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| FIN |
And on a final note.....
In honour of the director's decision to shoot many close ups of women's bums throughout the film:
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