Friday, October 04, 2013

Halloween Countdown (Day 3: Thanks For The Mammaries)

Okay anyone who has read my posts from last October (only recommended for curiosity's sake) will know that every once in a while, in order to keep up with the daily posts, I had to improvise. The early delay in this post is down to the fact that I had to visit someone who was in hospital for surgical reasons, and celebrating the departure of a work colleague. So in a slight deviation from the theme of the month, I'm gonna dedicate a blog entry to something that's going on this month: Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

So to come up with something well meaning, all the while coming off juvenile considering the rest of the article, I'm gonna post the 10 scenes involving bare breasts that have made an impact on me. Well, considering my tendency to post gratuitous shots of women on this blog, I do have an appreciation of the female breasts, hence I wish to make my own attempt to raise awareness. I will try to make this as tasteful as possible, and throw in some self depreciating humour in the mix. So with the particular scenes in question, I'll be posting pictures relative to the actress and film as opposed to the actual scene. If you wanted to see those images in question, that's what the internet is for (Google Image for example).

My Top 10 Pairs Of Most Influential Boobs On Film

1. Jamie Lee Curtis (in Trading Places)

I guess with her inclusion in the Halloween series, it's kinda appropriate, right? Anyways, if I was to think of the first bare breasts I saw in film or television, they would belong to Miss Curtis. Exposed to this film due to the fact that it starred actors of whose films I liked when I was young (Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop and Dan Ackroyd in Ghostbusters), it was my first introduction to the female form unclothed. So if my love for boobs were to be traced back (and NOT in a breast feeding explanation), it would be here.

Honourable mention: Linda Hamilton (Terminator). This is kinda the second instance of watching bare boobs onscreen.....

Sah-rah Con-nah.

2. The Laser Sphinxes (in The Neverending Story)

Now when I said Jamie Lee Curtis was the first, I meant in the fact that the breasts in question belonged to a real person. If I was to take into account the structure of the top half of women, it would go to the Sphinxes from this film. Even to this day I find it very surprising that a film aimed at a younger audience would feature something so explicit. And considering how eye catching they were (the Sphinxes I mean.....ahem), I'm convinced they've had some effect on me.

Dishonourable mention: Selma Blair (A Dirty Shame). Her performance as Candy Stickles (with a pseudonym as Ursula Udders to boot) was even more confusing, even though I was out of my teenage years.

Selma Blair's finest role.

3. Dolph Lundgren (in Masters Of The Universe)

Yyyeeeaaahhh if I'm gonna make note of my introduction to "boobs" in my formative years, I might as well add my confusion that lead me to my first education into the differences between men and women.

Dishonourable mention: Peter Andre's "Mysterious Girl" video.....damn the teenage years are a confusing nightmare.....ahem, moving swiftly on.....

Yeuch, what the hell was wrong with me?

4. Pauline Collins (in Shirley Valentine)

So if I'm gonna be introduced to the attraction of the female form early on, I would have to know that sometimes it may not be so alluring. Bear in mind I watched this film before I reached the age of ten, so this is not an attack on the image of a middle aged woman in the nip. It was just something I wasn't introduced to back then.

Dishonourable mention: Rhiannon (Sexy Scary Movie 2). The film's actual title according to IMDb was The Erotic Mirror, but I got the DVD as a joke birthday present with this title inserted, during the time the first Scary Movie came out. Now I'm not one to pick a side between fake/surgical and real/natural (not just boobs), although I will always lean towards the latter. And if anything can remind me how bad the former can get, it's from looking at Mistress Rhiannon.

Better than Peter Andre?

5. Madonna (in Body Of Evidence)

During the early 90s was the surgence of the "erotic thriller", thanks to the popularity of Basic Instinct. As much as Sharon Stone was an icon in terms of hot actresses getting their kit off in films (including Sliver and The Specialist), I'm going to go with someone who was trying to cash in on this craze in order to establish herself as an actress: Madonna. It was just the fact that I knew her as a singer, and found her pretty hot. This came out during the period of racy videos, songs and even a book, so that made her go one up than the likes of Cindy Crawford in Fair Game. To me this film cemented my idea of her as a sexpot, regardless of what people think of her now.

Honourable mention: Elizabeth Berkley (Showgirls). I still remember the shock that the girl from Saved By The Bell was in this type of movie that, growing up watching her on daytime television, it was so bizarre that it was also sexy. Granted the movie is so bad it's hilarious, but I do find it sad that her career took a nosedive because of this movie.

Better tongue than Billy Ray Cyrus' kid.

6. Shannon Tweed (in nearly everything she's in)

Thanks to the introduction of Sky/Satellite television and the concept of movie channels, it was during my teenage years that I discovered the genre of erotic thrillers that was my introduction to softcore porn. And the one actress that was in the good majority of those I watched was "Mrs. Gene Simmons" herself, Shannon Tweed. And I'm sure I was one of the few people who recognised her in Detroit Rock City when it came out.

Honnourable mention: Gabriella Hall. Thinking of her makes me want to dig out my VHS recorded copy of Virgins Of Sherwood Forest. caption needed.

7. Chun Li (in "Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie")

The appeal of Hentai (which is an x-rated form of Manga Animation for those who use the internet for good use) is an odd one to me nowadays, and when I was young the attraction I had to the likes of April O'Neill in Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles ("Ninja" was considered a violent word on my side of the world) and Rogue in X-Men, was almost on a level to the Sphinxes in The Neverending Story. So the appearance of a naked Chun-Li in the shower in the first (and best) Street Fighter 2 movie, brought along more confusion back then.

Dishonourable mention: Suzi-X & Velvet Von Black (The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto, of which I wrote about here). And thanks to this song, I feel a lot less stupid/guilty/confused/ashamed.....well, I did say "less".....

Rosario Dawson vs Sheri Moon Zombie

8. Kate Winslet (in "Titanic")

Thanks to the most undeserving winner of the "Best Picture" Oscar, it had the first actress I saw in the nude on the big screen. And the fact that it was in a film rated 12s was something that was unexpected, but a pleasant thrill in an otherwise average enough movie. Although it was a little awkward when sitting beside my godmother and brother.

Honourable mention: Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie). Thank god I was alone when I saw this in the cinema.

Unrealistic idea of a foreign exchange student.

9. Jennifer Tilly & Gina Gershon (in Bound)

Now as much as I like nude/sex scenes in films for titillation (especially in a time before I had access to the internet), I also appreciate these types of scenes when they turn out to be appropriate and even essential to the plot, and not just an excuse to get horny blokes watching. It still amuses me that this is the film that gave the go ahead for The Wachowskis to create The Matrix. Even today I still enjoy both these actresses, with Gershon in the excellent Killer Joe, and of course Tilly in the Chucky franchise (see here and here).

Honourable mention: Julianne Moore & Amanda Seyfried (Chloe). I only watched this a few months back and watching their sex scene instantly reminded me of the first time I watched Bound.

Also see Lovelace & Boogie Nights.

10. Gianna Michaels (in Piranha 3D)

SFW version.

Thanks to the internet and many years of being a singleton, I have ended up knowing the names of pornstars beyond Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy. So it took me by surprise to see one that not only I know, but is one of my erm, most frequented performers. And yet no matter how much of a film geek I am, I wouldn't want to admit to knowing her identity in public. Not only did I watch this flick in the cinema, the fact that it was in 3D when I saw her onscreen just blew my mind.....I said "mind", not pants, you filthy minded pervert.

Honourable mention: Stormy Daniels (The 40 Year Old Virgin & Knocked Up). Another actress whom I pretend I don't know when watching with others in the cinema, but I've no shame mentioning her in a previous blog entry.

Also SFW.

And on a final note.....

Boobies! And Kittens!

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