For a film to make the list, it doesn't matter if I've seen it before, I've to watch it once during a 12 month period (so no repeat entries, although special cases will be made for directors cuts if it's called for), and I have to watch it from start to finish. For fun I have decided to make fake awards to represent every 100 films I've watched. I've decided NOT to feature the full list, as I don't want people to complain about which film was not considered for which fictitious award.
Please note that for the sake of simplifying nominees, some films/performers may be lumped together as one. For example the five films in The Twilight Sage are counted as one. And to be honest, after watching them one after the other in a three day period, they just merged into one mind numbing terrible film.
FILM 500 AWARDS: 1-100 (1/11/13 to 27/12/13)
Above: films with the most nominations (three each).
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Best Newly Released Film
For any film that was a new release and viewed in the same year, be it cinema or home release/digital.Thor: The Dark World
Oldboy (2013)
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2
WINNER: Thor: The Dark World
As explained in the previous blog entry I was occupied for the winter months of 2013, so my trips to the cinema were limited, hence the lack of choices in this category. Nevertheless, this film was the Marvel Universe blockbuster that I wished for last year, after Iron Man 3 turned out to be a disappointing mess.
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Worst Newly Released Film
For any film that was a new release and viewed in the same year, be it cinema or home release/digital.
Beautiful Creatures (2013)
WINNER: Beautiful Creatures (2013)
Same explanation for the above category, and this Twilight wannabe was a bore to watch, and my only lasting memory of it was the annoying voice of one of the main characters (who is mentioned somewhere below).
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Best Film (Any Year)
.....self explanatory really.Stake Land
Jacobs Ladder
Memento
This Is Spinal Tap
Angel Heart
WINNER: Memento
.....okay I will go on record that this is my favourite film of all time. And if I compile an awards blog entry using the winners of each 100 film bracket, then the award will go to This Is Spinal Tap.
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Worst Film (Any Year)
.....also self explanatory.
KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies
Treasure Buddies
Battleship
The Twilight Saga
Zonad
WINNER: Zonad
While it may be hard to believe that there is something worse than The Twilight Saga, I would sit through those movies one after the other in one day than watch this piece of crap again. A concept that would even be stupid in terms of a kids movie, and too creepy to be considered a comedy. I still don't know what audience this film is aiming towards, but it can't be the Irish, as this film is offensive in that it makes Irish people stupid and behind the times. Right up there with one of the worst films to come out of Ireland, along with Adam & Paul, and Garage.
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F**k Yeah/F**k No! Award
For any film that gets a reaction to something awesome/exciting/violent/horrifying/gruesome.
Thor: The Dark World
Pacific Rim
Hatchet & Hatchet 2
Manborg
Evil Aliens
WINNER: Pacific Rim
Whether it was on the big screen in 3D, or on the small screen in 2D, it is by far one of the best blockbuster flicks to come out last year. Even if it still sounds like the title to an adult movie.
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Most Boring/Forgettable
For any film that, while it may be bad but not the worst, it's only crime is that it bored the hell outta me, and/or the fact that it's so forgettable that I wish I had the time back that I wasted watching it.
Hell Ride
KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies
In The Spider's Web
The Elf Who Didn't Believe
Dear God No!
WINNER: KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies
One of the few films that made me fast forward through the dullest of scenes where I wasn't gonna miss anything to begin with. The only interesting part of the film is the title and DVD cover. And it's not even the original title of the movie! It was marketed with a different title from it's original name: Die-Ner (Get It?). Now that I think about it, the film never mentions that it was set in Kentucky.
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David Hasselhoff Award
For any actor(s) whose appearance comes as a surprise and/or is a novelty. Inspired by David Hasselhoff''s appearances in the likes of Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Piranha 3DD and The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.
Ozzy Osbourne & Gene Simmons (for Trick Or Treat)
Hannah Spearritt (for Seed Of Chucky)
Mila Kunis (for Santa With Muscles)
Ben Afflek (for Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Keith Duffy (for Robocroc)
WINNER: Keith Duffy (for Robocroc)
What would have been a rubbish but entertaining monster flick from The Asylum/SyFy Channel was made that much memorable thanks to the appearance of this former Boyzone member and Coronation Street actor. Although it was confusing when one of the other characters was named "Duffy" so it sounded like Keith was talking to himself.
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Justin Timberlake Award
For any actor(s) whose performance is so bad that you want to jump up from your seat and punch the screen because they are so annoying and/or woeful as an actor. Inspired by Justin Timberlake overtaking Marky Mark Wahlberg as my most despised actor last year.
Hilary Swank (for The Reaping)
Alden Ehrenreich (for Beautiful Creatures (2013) )
The entire cast of KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies
The entire cast of The Twilight Saga
Sharlto Copley (for Oldboy (2013) )
WINNER: KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies
Once again The Twilight Saga is saved from another negative award, and I was close to giving it to Sharlto Coply, who I cannot stand watching, bar his performance in The A-Team. I understand that KFZ Die-Ner or whatever it's called was very limited in budget, it doesn't excuse the piss poor acting on display. When I finished watching the film I hoped that the three main actors never get work again.
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Roger Corman Award
For any film that involves a creature and/or a disaster that varies in quality and budget. In otherwords, anything from The Asylum/SyFy Channel. Inspired by B-Movie legend, Roger Corman.
Sharktopus
Arachnoquake
Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus
Sharknado
Boa Vs Python
WINNER: Sharknado
This might as well be the Vertigo of cheaply made monster/disaster flicks.....well I read that Vertigo has toppled Citizen Kane for best movie of all time, so I might as well start using it. Roll on Sharknado 2 in 2014.
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Tom Hanks Award
For any film that is suitable for all the family. Inspired by the movie Big, starring Tom Hanks. In that I might as well be a big kid while watching it.
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2
The Monster Squad
Monster Island
The Muppets Take Manhattan
Home Alone: The Holiday Heist
WINNER: The Monster Squad
I only watched it last year I wished I watched this as a kid instead of The Goonies, which to this day is still an overrated movie. Bear in mind it's an alright movie, but maybe it's because it has the annoying kid who played Short Round in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. But I know that if I saw The Monster Squad back then, I would have loved it.
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Pre-1D Morgan Spurlock Award
For any documentary film that I've seen. Dedicated to a time when Morgan Spurlock was a well respected documentary film maker, before he decided to take a dump on his reputation for the money by helming One Direction: This Is Us.
Catfish
WINNER: Catfish
Granted I should watch more documentaries and the only reason I checked it out because I briefly watched an episode of the TV series Catfish on MTV and was told that it originated from a documentary.
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Jamie Lee Curtis Award
The first of Immature Awards Threesome. This goes to any actress who appears naked in a film, whether it be a nude scene or sex scene. Inspired by the first time I saw a naked woman on film, which was Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places.
The female cast of Lesbian Vampire Killers
The female cast of Up! (1974)
Elizabeth Olsen (for Oldboy (2013) )
The female cast (including the alien) of Evil Aliens
Amy Groening (for Father's Day (2011) )
WINNER: The female cast of Up! (1976)
I still can't believe that the late great Roger Ebert wrote the story to this film. Considering how highly regarded he was (and still is) as a film critic, it was one of the reasons I had to check it out.....the others include Kitten Natividad and Raven De La Croix (pictured below, as she will be the main candidate when it comes to the overall awards).
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Victoria Silvstedt Award
The second of the Immature Awards Threesome. This goes to any actress who appears sexy in a film without being nude. Inspired by Victoria Silvstedt: Playmate Of The Year's cameo in BASEketball.
Tanya Roberts (for Tourist Trap)
Jennifer Tilly (for Bride Of Chucky & Seed Of Chucky)
Patti Clifton (for Blue Thunder)
Carmen Electra & Amy Smart (for Starsky & Hutch)
Linda Kozlowski (for Crocodile Dundee)
WINNER: Jennifer Tilly (for Bride Of Chucky & Seed Of Chucky)
Given that I've talked about these movies here, along with my appreciation for Jennifer Tilly, this should come as no surprise. Hmm, must watch Bound again one of these days.....
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Bill & Ted Award
The third of the Immature Awards Threesome. To round off the threesome of immature categories, this award goes to the film on the Film 500 list in which the number 69 appears. Inspired by the number Bill & Ted were thinking of in the film Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
WINNER: 69. Up! (1976)
.....it was a coincidence I swear.
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Blame Canada Award
For the best piece of music heard/used in a motion picture. Inspired by South Park: The Movie being nominated for an Academy Award for the song Blame Canada.
The soundtrack to Bride Of Chucky
Armour Hot Dogs - acapella: Sandra Bullock & Benjamin Bratt (from Demolition Man)
Just One Fix - Ministry (from Hatchet 2)
Nowhere To Run - Arnold McCuller (from The Warriors)
The soundtrack to This Is Spinal Tap
WINNER: Just One Fix - Ministry (from Hatchet 2)
A tough choice here, but I'm going with my first reaction to hearing Ministry in the opening credits to Hatchet 2, which I've mentioned on this blog before, and even posted the song in the "final note" section.
And on a final note.....
Here is the song again.
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