Halloween Countdown (Day 1: Hound Dog)

Before we begin:Okay it has been a VERY long time since my last post, and it hasn't been without trying. I have been meaning to kickstart it after a lot of stalling but alas I have been very distracted these days, as I keep mentioning in previous posts. The past few weeks I've been catching up on Breaking Bad before the final episode aired. Once I got that out of the way, I realised that October was about to begin, which gives me the opportunity to bang out a few blog posts before I go on indefinite hiatus in the lead up to Xmas.

I did have a series of films in mind to write up on, which I watched earlier on this year. I purchased a box set of these films to refresh my memory (now that I can no longer access the US version of Netflix). But for now, in an effort to kickstart the Halloween Countdown, I'm going for a film that I watched this weekend that is horror based. And what film am I starting with?

Note: cover does not include Adele Silva

Hey, I did Big Tits Zombie last year, so why not? Not to mention that it stars Lucy Pinder, which is enough for me to watch it.....ahem, now onto the first film article of the month then.....

OH YES, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

93 minutes later.....

Well with a film called Strippers Vs Werewolves, I shouldn't really be expecting much. As funny/cheesy/intriguing/kitsch (delete where applicable) as the title is, it doesn't mean that the film will be a riot. I learned that lesson from watching Zombie Strippers a few years ago, and considering that Robert Englund was in that film as well as this (albeit in a very brief scene), it prepared me in that way.

Other than the talents of Freddy Krueger, the acting talent is a combination of UK daytime soaps and hammy horror performances. So in short, pretty woeful, which results in the lack of interest in the characters themselves. The soap influences come with the casting of Adele Silva (Emmerdale) and Martin Kemp (Eastenders). Although the casting choice for the latter was an odd one as he is immediately disposed off within the first minute or so, after the opening credits (with Hungry Like The Wolf playing during it.....heh).

Speaking of brief cameos, the highlight of the film for me also turns out to be the most disappointing one. And that is the limited screentime dedicated to Lucy Pinder, who plays one of two buxom vampires that are in battle with the nerdy Van Helsing type ex-boyfriend of one of the strippers. I could talk about my reasons why this brief, out of the blue sub plot should have been more developed. But right now I can only think of two.....

.....ahem, moving swiftly on.....

While on the subject of titillation, with a movie entitled Strippers Vs Werewolves, there is not much in terms of explicit content. But again that's to be expected when the film is rated 15 in the UK and Ireland. While I do think that the film could have used some of it, considering how weak the film is, at the same time, it's no guarantee that it would improve it. With the aforementioned Zombie Strippers, the explicit content in that film (which mostly consists of strippers writhing around) got very tiresome before the 30 minute mark. Especially when all the women just look like anorexic dolls with copious amounts of silicone.

And of course it wouldn't be expected to have Adele Silva show off more flesh than she does in the average FHM photoshoot. So with those handicaps so far, it would be obvious to go into the comedy gore direction for a movie like this. But again, it's 15s, so any blood letting and dismemberment is mostly done offscreen, only cutting away to pools of blood, applied on scar make up, and unrealistic dismembered limbs. While I'm on the subject of make up and effects, the werewolf prosthetics are, unsurprisingly, awful. So what is there to redeem this film?

Besides them.....I mean "that".....

What this film has left is to come up with a story that is somewhat entertaining, regardless of the elements. While the plot is simple enough, not straying too far from the concept given by the film's title, it did feel a little drawn out with no suspense. There are a few bits of humour thrown in, but not only are they so few and far between, they fall flat thanks to the poor delivery by some of the cast, especially the Van Helsing ex-boyfriend and lead actress Silva.

Verdict?

It's not the worst film I've seen, and I admit it was slightly entertaining and a lot better than most of the The Asylum/Sharksploitation/SyFy Channel films I've been watching as of late. However thanks to the restrictions given with its 15 rating, it feels like a watered down exploitation film that is aimed at a general audience. As a result, it misses the mark on so many levels which is kind of a disappointment. And to make another comparison to Zombie Strippers, whereas that film may be poor, it did have some stupid but memorable moments. Here, the only parts I'm going to remember are Martin Kemp's dead stiffy, Duran Duran in the opening, and of course, Lucy Pinder.

Hell, I barely remember him!

And on a final note.....

After I watched this flick, I read an article where it states that the box office takings in the UK amounted to £38. Now I've seen a lot of bad movies in the cinema over the years, and if I was to think of one film that deserved to do less than that paltry amount this year, it would be Movie 43. I had a choice to either post this sketch or the one that's even worse than Batman & Robin (and I didn't even think that was possible). As for posting copyrighted material; I'm not the one who uploaded it onto YouTube, so it doesn't matter to me if it's taken down. Besides, if it's less money going into the filmmakers' pockets, then I approve. Because this "movie" is f**king awful.