Halloween Countdown (Day 9: Asylum Seeker)

Okay I may be slightly late with this one as I went to see Metallica: Through The Never last night. I had a film in mind for this blog entry, but being pushed for time and scheduling, I will make reference to this film in relation to what film company was responsible for it. And that is the infamous producers of films mimicking current releases of whatever they're peddling, The Asylum.

I have heard so much about this company over the past couple of years in relation to the quality of their films and their marketing strategy. Nowadays I have come across a few of their films to the point where I am able to list the ten films I've seen in order of worst to best. Bear in mind that I've not seen the likes of AVH: Alien vs Hunter, The Terminators and the Transmorphers. And if they did, they would more than likely end up on this list. So for now I'm just limited to ten, with the strange temptation to check out more in future.

10. Monster

Not to be confused with: Cloverfield, or even Monster.
How and why: It was on the SyFy Channel.
Verdict: Technically I've never seen the full film properly as I fast forwarded the majority of it because of how bad it was. It may have some good ideas in terms of distorted or corrupted "found footage" but they were overused in a film that was the second worst "found footage" film I've ever seen (just behind The Bay)

9. Snakes On A Train

Not to be confused with: Snakes On A Plane
How and why: I found it on the American version of Netflix and it was the first film from The Asylum I've ever heard of.
Verdict: Very poor with an ending that I find out was tacked on due to the cover image, in order to please the Japanese investors of the film (look it up on Wikipedia if you don't believe me). Plus it's a bad sign in the end of the end credits is funnier than the entire film.

8. Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus

Not to be confused with: .....what the hell can you confuse it with?
How and why: I bought it for three euro in a used book shop.
Verdict: bar one infamous funny/ridiculous scene, along with some silly editing, the film was a bit of a bore and not as exciting or as fun as the title suggests.

7. The Amityville Haunting

Not to be confused with: The Amityville Horror (any film from the series)
How and why: It was on the SyFy channel.....yes, another one.
Verdict: basically a rip-off of the Paranormal Activity series, not only is it worse than any of the films I've seen from that series, but at the same time it was more entertaining, thanks to some laughably bad scenes, particularly the one that involves the breakdown of one of the main characters.

6. 2-Headed Shark Attack

Not to be confused with: .....is there even any other two headed shark movies in existence?
How and why: SyFy channel.....once again.
Verdict: while it is a struggle to find some genuine laughs from this, even with Brooke Hogan's woeful acting (that person should not be famous, in any shape or form), it's still a step up for Carmen Electra, after her contributions to the cinematic abominations courtesy of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

5. Nazis At The Center Of The Earth

Not to be confused with: Iron Sky.
How and why: It was on Netflix.
Verdict: I already wrote about this film here, but at the time I thought this was the first Asylum film I sat down to watch. But after looking at the list of films produced by them, I found out that was wasn't the case, where in actual fact, the first one was.....

4. Death Racers

Not to be confused with: the Death Race series.
How and why: it was one of the first films I saw when I was able to access the American version of Netflix.
Verdict: for the most part a joyless affair, given the subject matter. The only redeeming features to this film were the appearances of the Insane Clown Posse (who have made more entertaining films than this) and one of my favourite wrestlers of all time: Raven (who I mentioned before was one of the inspirations for the name of this blog).

3. Battledogs

Not to be confused with: .....darned it I know.
How and why: SyFy channel.....are you starting to see a pattern here?
Verdict: another film that may not be as fun as the tile suggests, although one part in the last few minutes made me laugh out loud. What I found surprising about the film were the number of actors that are familiar faces, which would result in asking others what films/TV shows they were in, without the aid of IMDb. I guess it's a sign that The Asylum now has enough money to hire more credible actors for their incredibly bad films.

2. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes

Not to be confused with: any version of Sherlock Holmes that's around nowadays.
How and why: I saw the cover, which showed a dinosaur, an octopus, a dragon and a 19th century looking Iron Man. So I had to buy it (cheap of course).
Verdict: as barmy as the film was, not to mention the woeful acting, the story wasn't that bad as it reveled in its absurdity. Plus I found it more enjoyable than the Robert Downey Jr films.

1. Sharknado

Not to be confused with: all the other hit and miss shark films released these past few years.
How and why: thanks to the internet hype surrounding this SyFy flick.
Verdict: not only is it the best film I've seen from The Asylum, it is one of the most fun movies I've seen this year. Deserves to be lauded with a cult following the same way The Room and Troll 2 have in the past. Plus it's the greatest episode of Beverly Hills 90210 I've ever seen (joke).

And on a final note.....

Since I mentioned the Insane Clown Posse, might as well bring out my inner Juggalo (look it up) and post one of their songs. Still find it weird that they are, in a way, a Christian rap band.