Halloween Countdown (Day 4: Oh Lordi!)

I'm beginning to think I suck at keeping with a theme for blog ideas. Instead of talking about Michael Jackson's "Ghosts" on Day 1, I decided to keep it for another day. While I had my excuses for skipping Saw 2 yesterday, I was about to delay that review tonight by watching "House At The End Of The Street" in the cinema, as it was the last day of its run in theatres, and I thought I'd review a current movie. But even THAT got pushed aside when I found this film onsale in town.

Oh yes, there will be spoilers.....just thought I'd get that out of the way.....

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. There was an actual horror movie that not only starred the members of the rock band Lordi, but was also written by mainman Mr. Lordi. Now, to those who live outside Europe, Lordi may seem like they are ripping off Gwar, another band that uses elaborate costumes onstage. But to those in Europe, they are better known as the winners of the annual Eurovision Song Contest in 2006.

In a show that is predominantly filled with embarrassing acts ranging from novelty acts, performers that are only established in their homeland, and contestants from various reality based karaoke/performing monkey shows, the inclusion of this band from Finland not only took everyone by surprise, but also got their attention. "Hard Rock Hallelujah" was actually a decent song, but even of the song sucked, the image alone was sure to guarantee victory.

Coming from a country that has won the Eurovision seven times (eight if you include Norway's entry, featuring a Celtic sound and an Irish singer), it was the first time I had actually celebrated the winning entry to the competition since "Rock N' Roll Kids" in 1994. Of course, nobody remembers this as this was the same show that introduced Riverdance to the world.

I actually like their music, their stage show is very entertaining (and the first time I saw an audience member walk away, due to being shocked at a somewhat gruesome part of the show, looking like she was about to faint or get sick), so I was surprised that I never heard of this film. It was onsale for 4 euro, so I had to buy it. Even if the movie turned out to be crap, at least I got my money's worth for curiousity alone. For all I knew, this could have been along the same lines as "Cradle Of Fear", starring Dani Filth from the band Cradle Of Filth.

Screenshot from Cradle Of Fear.....Well it was either a gratuitous nudity shot, or an image of Dani Filth.

81 minutes later.....

I didn't know what to expect going into this movie, but my expectations were low from the very beginning. I thought that with the inclusion of the band members, I took a guess that the film was going to be cheesy, laughable, and probably contain cartoon style violence and gore, all to the soundtrack of a couple of their songs. The band are entertaining enough with their music videos, which did have a fair bit of production value to them, instead of going the tacky route.

To my surprise, the film was actually a well made, atmospheric, and somewhat decent horror flick. Granted the characters are your run of the mill horror movie cliches (the average guy slash hero, the black security guard, the annoying yuppie, the creepy little girl, the crazy old man, the woman.....who's only sense of identity is her gender), and the acting is average at the best of times. But again, expectations were low from the get go, so I wasn't expecting character depth or even originality.

Hell, even bigger budget movies such as "Devil" use some of these stock characters.

I was taken back by the production quality of the movie, and if I didn't know any better, and knew nothing about Lordi's inclusion, or even their existence, I would have thought it was your standard horror movie from the States. The film does a good job of using its pacing, sound, score, and even the execution of its scares, without relying on cheap thrills, jumpy false alarms, or proper songs shoved in to justify its appearance on a soundtrack album. The latter especially, as its main villains are in an actual  band. Hell, even the cover says "The Lordi Motion Picture".

However, there are two issues I had with the film that, I wouldn't say ruined the movie, but made it trip over itself in a way. The first one, as stupid as it sounds but I'll try to explain, is the fact that the monsters themselves are the actual band members of Lordi in full costume. When the first monster appears onscreen, I had two conflicting feelings come to mind. The first was the feeling of amusement that a band member was terrorizing the characters onscreen, but the other was the way the monster was portrayed where, if it was any other monster or costume, it would have been actually credible.

On reflection, it was because of my low expectations that I was expecting the appearance of the band members to come off as corny, without any knowledge of the style and tone of the movie. When the second monster came about, and I was becoming more and more invested into what was happening onscreen, I began to question whether the novelty of their appearance bring down whatever credibility the movie may have been going for.

It was around the halfway mark that I dismissed whatever questions I had about the inclusion of Lordi. After all, I had, for want of a better term, judged the movie by its cover, and so far it has taken me by surprise. But if it didn't have the inclusion of Lordi, the film would be average at best, but will more than likely be forgettable and have even less of an audience. People can be critical of the portrayal of movie monsters, whether it be CGI or someone in a rubber suit, so maybe it's a neat touch to include a band that wear these really impressive costumes onstage, yet still look halfway menacing onscreen.

.....I'd still hit that.

The second issue I had, which is the most important in every movie, no matter what budget or genre, is the story itself. The concept of a haunted hospital mixed in with time travel and parallel universes is an interesting one with a well written script. While the hospital setting does at times look like they're filming behind the same corridors and rooms over and over again (and they probably did for budget reasons), it does illustrate the confusion of going through time and space.

Unfortunately the plot collapsed onto itself by its own ambition. I haven't looked up any plot summaries or viewers' explanations after watching the movie, so whether there is a clever narrative throughout the movie (think Christopher Nolan) or if it's just scenes that range from strange and unsettling to unexplained and confusing in the name of art (think David Lynch), I don't know at time of writing, maybe it will make more sense the second time around.

It does ruin a movie experience where you feel like you need to have a hint sheet by your side just so you can understand what's going on, which as a result makes you feel like an idiot, despite the fact that the average person could have figured it out (think Monkey Island games). In the case of "Dark Floors", I'm still surprised I ended up watching this type of movie, instead of a horror version of "Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park".

At least Lordi weren't given any lines to highlight their lack of acting skills.

And on a final note.....

I have been meaning to check out "Cradle Of Fear" again, as I did have fun watching it while drunk, even when I wasn't paying attention towards the end. Sure it was filmed on a budget that's the equivalent of a Chinese take out, with amateur acting and cheap sets, but what do you expect from a movie that seems to cater more to the average Cradle Of Filth fan?

The answer is boobs, by the way.