As I get back into the swing of things on here after my brief trip away, I have decided to pick a film that I have mentioned a few times on here (that's not Punisher: War Zone). I ordered a second hand copy of this film off Amazon, and while there were some parts towards the end that skipped every now and then, it wasn't enough to make the movie unwatchable. Much like the missing reel off old work prints of films. And what did I choose? Cradle Of Fear.
As I said before, I watched this film while highly intoxicated among friends. One of which hated this film so much she just constantly distracted everyone by talking about how rubbish it looked, and just striking up any conversation going. While I never did figure out what was going on towards the end, it didn't really bother me. So this time I thought I'd try watching it from start to finish on my own.
WARNING: SPOILERS
120 minutes later.....
Well of course it was gonna be rubbish. It has Dani Filth from Cradle Of Filth in a starring role, for crying out loud. The production values are very low, the acting substandard, and the story, well, it's just four short stories loosely tied to an ongoing plot thread. The only other example I can think of this type of film is V/H/S, but even that had more of a budget and decent camera work and effects, despite the fact that it's supposed to be in the "found footage" genre.
Going back to the first time I watched this film, while the film does have its fair share of gore, the scenes I kept making fun of were the "gratuitous" scenes involving women, saying they were important to the plot. So in an effort to stretch this article to a somewhat decent length, I'll just briefly talk about each story, along with littering this blog entry with pictures of certain cast members. Hey, I dig chicks, what can I say?
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| I'm sure I used this pic of Emily Booth before. |
The Demon Seed Story
It's not a bad opener to the film, if a little underdeveloped (as with the rest of the short stories). It also introduces the character of "The Man", who I'll just refer to as Dani Filth as I have difficulty referring to the arrogent little midget as "The Man". Plus it's just Dani Filth looking like Dani Filth on camera. It also gives you an idea to the lack of budget, acting talent and decent script, so you know what you're in for. And with the presence of Emily Booth, it just gives blokes an excuse to perv on women from here on out. Not me though.....ahem.
Important Plot Point: Emily Booth, before her "sex scene" with Dani Filth.
Robbing The Dead Story
This short tale of greed between two partners in crime leading to death is okay to watch, but at the same time drags this film down at a very early stage. It's far fetched even by tacky horror standards, and in connection to the ongoing story arc, has very little relevance. The small connection to it via the crime scene at the end is pretty much a repeat of the beginning of the last story, but without the inappropriate boobie groping by the detective
Important Plot Point: The two thieves having a bath together. Which is even more ridiculous when they're using the bathroom of the old woman that they just murdered.
The Leg-End Story
Now I said that the last story was far-fetched, but this one was tad confusing once I made the mistake of switching my brain on. Not only did I question the likelihood of attaching somebody's leg to another person succeeding, be it compatibility, biologically or even height wise. But I also wondered why the amputee lead actor would feel less of a man without it, especially as he has a hot girlfriend who obviously doesn't have a problem with it. I'm not even sure fully exploring the background, history or character motivations would help this story, so this one is just best to watch while shutting off the logical part of the brain. But I think the sight of Eileen Daly making out with a leg stump would do that automatically.
Important Plot Point: Eileen Daly, while making out with her amputee boyfriend.
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| Eileen Daly: can't find a respectable pic of her from the film, hence this. |
The Sick Room Story
While this may be the most original and memorable of the stories in this collection (despite the disc skipping in some parts), it isn't without its faults. It does have an interesting take on the evils of the internet, albeit dated today, especially when it comes to what a certain type of nefarious person searches for. The twist in the end is a little predictable, but appropriate. Yet I don't know if it's to do with the short story format (or the fact that my brain switched on again), but not only do the lead character's addictive nature seem too hasty, but I don't know how he got away with attacking the woman he had a date with, considering that they both worked together, and no police involvement took place.
Important Plot Point: None. And the brief cameo of what looks like Morrigan Hel in one of the sample videos of the Sick Room site doesn't count, due to the nature of the scene in question.
The Main Detective/Psycho Story
There's not much to say about this really, as it is interspersed among the four stories above, and serve more as breathing space before each one. It does delve into the backgrounds of the two foes, as well as go into the motivations for their eccentricities, but by the time the next story comes around, these are quickly forgotten once this story thread comes back onscreen. However, they're not that intricate to begin with, so you'll still get the jist right up to the very end.
Important Plot Point: The detective groping the breast of the body of Emily Booth during the crime scene at the beginning of the movie. He makes some explanation as to why he does this, but c'mon, it's just an excuse to throw in some laughable groping scene. I suppose the film had to set the tone somehow.
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| Morrigan Hel: may as well. |
Verdict?
While there are some horror fans that may find this amusing, the only group of people this film really caters for are fans of Cradle Of Filth. It's pretty much a feature length flick inspired by their explicit band t-shirts, one of which is currently featured on their Wikipedia page (NSFW especially to those who are easily offended). The film could have done with some decent editing, as the movie tended to drag during its two hour runtime. This could have been achieved by omitting the Robbing The Dead short story if needs be.
However, when in the right mindset, be it under the influence, laughing at badly made films, looking for a bit of smut with your horror, or even a combination of the three, this film can be entertaining to watch. Besides, it's a lot better than River Of Darkness, and it even has a certain scene that would even please those who hate Dani Filth.
And on a final note.....
Going back to the extra long opening paragraph listing all the films I watched in two weeks, one of which was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Below are the opening credits to the film, which looks like a twisted nightmare version of a Bond film (which is funny considering that Daniel Craig is in the film). Which is also cool because it contains contributions from Oscar winning composer, Trent Reznor (whose main band Nine Inch Nails are playing in Belfast in August).
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