Angel Of Death (Nazis At The Center Of The Earth)

I've been dying with the flu this week so I didn't get a chance to go to the cinema to catch up on some films that were coming to the end of their cinema run. Instead I've been at home with a constant supply of Lempsip, some newly purchased Blu-Rays, and a few Netflix choices.

These include "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" (very good documentary on the MPAA), "Locked Down" (very dull UFC influenced prison movie starring Vinnie Jones), "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" (made me want to read the books again), "The Spirit" (a poor but hilarious knock-off of "Sin City".....directed by the guy who created "Sin City"), "See No Evil" (which I haven't seen since October), "Blazing Saddles" (classic Mel Brooks) and "Dredd" (criminally underrated action film).

When I watched "Iron Sky" last week, I expected to see a really cheap, badly acted B-Movie with a Nazi theme. I also said that I watched it with a friend of mine who, as it turns out, also chose this off Netflix on his next visit to my home. Hmm, I don't know if I should be worried if he has any fascination with Nazis.

This film just so happens to be my introduction to the film company "The Asylum". I've been meaning to check out "Snakes On A Train" for a while, and their version of "Hansel & Gretel" (which I mentioned in a previous blog entry) was just added to Netflix recently. Coincidentally this film was recommended by another friend of mine during Xmas, but I never got the chance due to some computer issues I had at the time. My guess was that it was trying to cash in on the release of "Iron Sky", so for this blog entry, I'm continuing with this unexpected Nazi theme.

WARNING: SPOILERS

89 minutes later.....

If I was going to find that B-Movie Nazi film I was expecting before I watched "Iron Sky", I had to look no further than "The Asylum". This film is as cheap as chips with poor CGI, lack of set design, zero acting ability from the majority of the cast, and a hammy performance from a grossly miscast Jake Busey. Who even thought it would be a good idea to cast the guy from "Shasta McNasty" as a scientist?

There is an abundance of moments where you just can't help but be amazed by how cheap this film looks, whether it's the wooden acting being performed infront of a white wall, the unrealistic looking CGI backgrounds, or even the make-up effects on the rotting, decomposing Nazis. There are so many things to pick apart that after a while, you end up just accepting what level this movie is at.

Even this guy's nonexistent acting skills.

But if there's one thing that the film has going for it, good and bad, is that the story is outrageous. The film is a sight to behold where they pull off this nonsensical plot with the tools at their disposal. There are times where you have no choice but to stare at the screen with your mouth open, wondering what state of mind the writer had when coming up with ideas for this movie.

The characters are barely fleshed out, many of whom without any discernible character traits. The dialogue as expected is very basic, with the exception of throwing medical jargon every now and then. But one line in particular, where one of the female characters stating the fact that she's Norwegian is an indication that she will be fine going down a large hole which leads to the centre of the Earth. I'm sure there's a joke in there, but I don't know much about Norway, other than a particular subculture that's the basis of the book "Lords Of Chaos".

The Nazis themselves are a confusing breed to look at. At first I thought they were zombies in their first appearance sans gas masks. But they turn out to only harvest the skin and body parts of their victims so they can use them as spare parts for their own broken down bodies. Kinda like a mix between the Frankenstein monster and Ed Gein. But they are also a technologically advanced army, just not in the medical field, despite the inclusion of Josef Mengle to the group. I'm not sure even the creative team behind this movie knew what direction to take these Nazis.

Hell, they didn't even know the proper direction of the swastika.

If there's one problem I had with the movie, all joking aside, it would have to be the inclusion of the "rape scene", for want of a better term. It starts off where the three female scientists are told to go into the showers, which at first seemed like an excuse to add in some nudity, just to compensate for the fact that the film is so bad it needed some gratuitous boob shots. But then the "final solution" came to mind. Instead comes a scene where one of them is stripped by force by a group of Nazis who proceed to gather round her while on the ground, crying and screaming.

It doesn't show any explicit scenes of whether they are eating her like a zombie corpse or partaking in gang rape, but given that the latter is strongly hinted, I felt the film took a needlessly dark turn. It reminded me of what Kevin Smith said in the aforementioned "This Film Is Not Yet Rated", about the use of rape in movies being overused as an inappropriate plot device. If the film was grittier and more in tone with a slasher/horror movie, then this scene, while still hard to watch, would fit. But it's a cheap looking, laughably bad B-Movie, it just seems very out of place.

It's not the type of scene that you could easily get back to the film's bizarre nature, but the movie tries its best right after it. What follows is a lobotomy scene, then the revelation that one of the scientists is carrying the child of Jake Busey, in a romantic subplot which was never hinted at beforehand). While beginning to digest this nonsensical story addiction, the film then jumps to a scene involving a vacuum cleaner (don't ask), and the reanimation of the head of Hitler.

"Wolfenstein 3D" meets "They Saved Hitler's Brain"?

With the absurdity of how Hitler's head could still be functioning after a self inflicted gunshot to the temple, the reverse swastika (see previous image above), and the exceptionally long subtitle text when Hitler is giving a speech (nevermind the fact that he looks ridiculous), it was at this point that I'd just allow anything I would see for the remainder of the flick. Even with the "Iron Sky" reference to the spaceship towards the end, it was just best to give up trying to make sense of what's happening, or be surprised by any more stupidity so close to the end.

Verdict?

This film is very entertaining and watchable, but for all the wrong reasons. Bar the sudden dark turn in the middle, everything from its conception to how it plays out is just unbelievable to look at that you can't help but laugh. If you're looking for an enjoyable Nazi B-Movie to watch.....go with "Iron Sky" instead. But give this a go afterwards, just to see how badly the concept of "Iron Sky" could have gone, when in the wrong hands. As for my first introduction to "The Asylum", it has convinced me to watch "Snakes On A Train" as soon as I get the chance. As long as I'm prepared for what's in store.

And on a final note.....

Now I might be wrong here, and feel free to correct me if I am. But there is one thing that this movie had which was absent from "Iron Sky", and that is the inclusion of the Wilhelm Scream. If you don't recognise the name, watch this clip below. It's more than likely you will recognise the sound, especially those who have watched "Star Wars".