Halloween Countdown (Day 24: Seedy Till(y) Death)

I find myself running behind with the blog posts, as I took a break from the horror motif when a mate of mine called to my gaff, and he wanted to watch "Quantum Of Solace", as he was a big James Bond fan, and he hadn't seen it yet. And I thought I may as well do with a refresher course on the story so far, since "Skyfall" may be the second or third time that I would go to the cinema to watch a James Bond film (I know I went to see "The World Is Not Enough", but I can't remember if I saw "Goldeneye" in the cinema).

Because of the short amount of time I have, what with Horrorthon starting on Thursday evening, I thought I'd watch "Saw 3D: The Final Chapter", and write about it, finishing my articles on the SAW series. But it was so bad the second time I watched it, I knew I had to save that for the final blog entry of the month. And because I wanted to watch something that was at least better than "SAW 7" (or whatever it's called), I picked a film I was going to watch another time, as I only bought it today.

There was some joke about "Made In Japan" in the film.....

As I said in my "Bride Of Chucky" blog entry, I saw this film before the preceding one. I remembered it being very strange, as I didn't see the other films except the beginning of "Child's Play" all those years ago. But I did catch on to the fact that the series was taking a weird turn anyway, so even if I didn't see the previous films in the series, I didn't need to, as I guessed the "seed" was conceived in the last film. Which is handy, as you can jump right in without worrying about an ongoing plotline. I thought it was silly, but entertaining all the same.....oh and it has this actress in it.....

Okay now I got that out of the way.....for now.....

87 minutes later.....

Back then I knew "Seed Of Chucky" was different compared to the rest of the "Child's Play" series. But I never knew it was that bit different, when compared to the twisted carnage that was "Bride Of Chucky". While the film does have some comedic gore throughout, it plays off as a weird gothic tale of the unification of the Chucky family, thrown in with a parody of Jennifer Tilly, in which self mocking jokes are made of her weight, age, and her declining status as a respected Hollywood actress.

While the film itself does make a self referential sarcastic comment about her as "perfect casting" by the dolls themselves, it's still a fun concept to have the original actress tormented by them. Plus she must have a sense of humour about herself when there are so many jokes that are made at her expense,  so we do know that this is only an exaggerated image of the image of Jennifer Tilly. So we can get the irony of her auditioning for the role as the Virgin Mary in rapper Redman's religious flick. Plus she's in the movie a lot longer than in "Bride Of Chucky", vocal work for Tiffany aside. Which means.....erm.....oh just look at the picture above, you get my drift.

Along with Jennifer Tilly and Redman playing as themselves, we also get two familiar faces (well, one if you happen to live on the other side of the Atlantic) who meet their doom in this flick. There is cult director John Waters playing a nosy paparazzi, and it even has Hannah from S-Club-7.....they were a British pop band in the late 90s/early '00s, so I don't think they ever made it big in the States. Although they did have a film based around them, so I'm not sure if it was released over there. Hell, I don't even know the name. But I digress.....

Hannah (far left)

While the domestic disputes that Chucky and Tiffany had in the previous film were just a few brief scenes that were interspersed among the scenes of violence for comedic effect, it's now one of the main focal points of the film, alongside the Jennifer Tilly storyline. While it is funny in a sense to see Chucky and Tiffany getting used to raising their boy or girl; Glen or Glenda (again, I must watch that Ed Wood film), trying to set a good example by quitting their murderous ways, and the usual bickering that they do, it does however slow down the movie at times.

At times it looks and feels more like an odd Tim Burton clone than an over the top comedic slasher. And while it is a fun way of looking at the characters, you do at times wish they would just kill somebody instead of watching some (twisted) soap opera storyline. It does take a while to get used to, and it has some laugh out moments, along with the gruesome, weird, or twisted scenes (I think those three describe the Chucky "cup filler" scene), it doesn't have the same level of fun as "Bride Of Chucky" did.

The humour seems to be a bit hit and miss, and I'm not sure if it's to do with the semi-serious tone that's played out onscreen, or if whether it is just forced at times. The "Britney" scene was just a poor attempt at a pop culture reference, with a forced punchline that not even the inclusion of the real Britney Spears could make it funny. Although the reference to "The Shining" was actually funny.

Is it just me, or does this look like an alternate version of "The Exorcist"?

The character of Glen/Glenda/Shithead (the latter being the name the doll gave on the first meeting with the parents) wasn't too bad. Shithead does take a bit of getting used to, but does provide some comic relief as playing the innocent one in the family, who then turns into a psychotic, gender confused maniac later on. But like I said, the focus on the drama does make the film tedious at times.

The film sets look like it was made on a smaller budget (it was filmed in England and Romania, which explains some of the English actors, including Hannah from S-Club), the CGI effects do look a bit cheap and stupid, especially with the doll walking movements, and overall it wasn't as gory as previous installments. But it's a fun little film regardless, where we get to see how the "Seed Of Chucky" would have turned out. Speaking of which, I haven't even posted a pic of the Shithead yet.

.....okay that's a little bit weird.....

And on a final note.....

After a search on YouTube, I now know that "Seeing Double" was the name of the S-Club-7 movie. S-Club to be precise, as one of them left the band before its release. Not that you would care.....or me for that matter.

Halloween Countdown (Day 23: Slam Jam)

This review was meant to be posted yesterday, but I feel asleep due to being awake for just over 30 hours. Just as well I had a back up blog post. Anyways, it was while watching "See No Evil" that the following movie came to mind. What better way to follow a film with a pro wrestler playing a psychopath, than a film with a pro wrestler playing a psychopath.....while being an actual wrestler. Oh yes, there will be spoilers.

This was another film I found in the horror section on YouTube, and I had a feeling that I would get around to watching it this month for this blog. It seemed right down my alley when I read the description. The original title for this movie was "El Mascardo Massacre", but it was soon changed to:

This also had the working title of "The Mexican Porn Massacre"
.....I'm not joking.

And if you've never heard or seen this flick, here is the full movie courtesy of YouTube:

75 minutes later.....

Well, the film was, erm.....I would say "disappointing", but then again, I didn't expect much from a movie about a killer luchador. Sure it's a low budget movie with a ridiculous storyline, horrendous acting, and has scenes which I guess were somewhat violent, but it just wasn't "fun" to watch, even with those elements in mind. I'm guessing the makers of this flick wanted the film to be played out straight, but in the end, it doesn't work in their favour.

And it's hard to guess what the next 75 minutes of the film is going to be like when it begins with a woman covered in fake blood screaming out of an old church, cuts to the opening credits with Mariachi music playing over ancient footage of Mexican Lucha Libre Wrestling, with the opening dialogue coming from a sleazy guy with a moustache telling the audience what a "dirty sanchez" is. Lot of mixed signals there, and we've only just started.

The group of victims in this movie consist of a sleazy porn director (I think his name was Alfonso, but I'm just gonna be lazy as usual and not check the facts), a fat cameraman (who looks like a slimmed down version of Hurley from "Lost"), three female pornstars (who I'll just call "Blondie", "Drunky" and Dallas, the latter as it was the only character name I could remember) and Blondie's brother (who owns the van they're all in), a stereotypical stoner idiot, who reminds me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo after a lobotomy. After a run-in with a "crazy local" who tells them of a ghost town nearby, the group head towards this location for their "film".

The characters have no real redeeming qualities to them in terms of personality, so it's hard to root for them throughout this film. For a while I thought the "hero" of the film was the slimmed down Hurley, as he was supposed to be the "nice but annoying" one of the group, he's of Mexican descent, so he knows about the wrestling legends and knows some Spanish. But then again, he's just as nice and annoying as the actual Hurley in "Lost".

But it turns out to be Dallas in the third act. I guess it's because she's the only one of the three women who looks less like a crack addict. And she was the only one not to show her boobs in the "porn shoot". And if you want to know (pervert), you'll find more nudity in "The Neverending Story" than this. But then again, she's the one that has the most work done, surgery wise, and looks like a cross between Fergie (from Black Eyed Peas), and Chasey Lain (the subject of a Bloodhound Gang song). But if I was to hazard to guess, I think she was cast in this film because she could do the following for one scene:

It's not as funny/horrifying/sexy as you may think.

And since I had no interest in the well-being of the other characters, it's all down to the wrestling manic known as "El Mascarado", played by Rey Misterio Sr. (yes, he is the uncle of THAT Rey Mysterio in WWE). Granted he's no more ridiculous as Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees in terms of masked movie monsters. Hell, even "Voorhees" is painted on the side of one of the buildings. But he really becomes less interesting when his victims just look like he just smeared jam over their faces.

Okay, so gore is not his forte. So how about wrestling? Well he would be more threatening if we actually saw him wrestling, instead of two moves, a lot of throwing people around and walking very very slowly. There is a backstory where he was the sum of the parts of three missing Mexican wrestlers, but is that any reason for him not having the ability to run?

As for the "wrestling spots", not only are they under utilised, but they are thrown in at the worst times. El Mascardo's fight with Alfonso (or is it Alfonsa), was given more screentime in terms of throwing Alfonso around (four or five times on a bench), beating him up and killing him, than the "match" against Slimmed Down Hurley, luchador mask and all. Alfonso was no more important than Drunky (wandered off for no real reason), Shaggy (just useless to the plot and even offensive to Cheech & Chong) or Blondie (well, she was gonna die to be fair). So how did the showdown with SD Hurley go?

It starts with a face off, and just before we see them collide, the camera cuts to the corridor outside the room where the action is happening, with the camera slowly heading towards the closed doors to the room. Amid the sound effects of what we're supposed to imagine (instead of actually WATCHING a wrestling match involving a psychotic WRESTLER), Blondie tries to escape, and El Mascerdo breaks her back. But SD Hurley gets up, and THEN we see some wrestling moves. It lasts about about under a minute, in which SD Hurley is beaten, and then he rips off Blondie's face.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but what was the point in drawing out Alfonso's death when that much time and effort could be invested in the match with SD Hurley. Hell, if they wanted to make a big deal of Alfonso's death, why couldn't they just do the corridor shot for him instead? As for the "match" itself, is that the big build up? Couldn't they have thrown in a little more wrestling scenes? Sure they may be cheesy, but look what the movie is called? Wouldn't showing El Mascardo in action be the given thing in a film like this? I know Mysterio is old and SD Hurley is, well, slightly smaller than the real Hurley. But couldn't Blondie be thrown in the mix? I know it may be a bit predictable in itself but.....

.....okay I'll stop now.

Maybe it's wise not to look into too much of the flaws of a film that was originally called "The Mexican Pornstar Massacre", so I think I'll should just move on and wrap this up as soon as I can. So in the final act, it's a series of chase sequences involving El Mascardo and his target, Dallas. She runs and hide a few times, we have a scene where SD Hurley's barely alive after having his face ripped off.....and we didn't see THAT in the match.....ahem, must not get distracted.

The other notable thing other than the crab leg trick in the final act is the part where Dallas' jean shorts get caught on a car door, and they are ripped off while running away. This just comes off as cheesy and stupid, instead of funny. And I know it's just an excuse to show up a close up of her ass afterwards. The whole movie has plenty of shots of women's asses, for any reason at all, for running, walking, hell, even when the chick is passed out.

With that aside, we end off with the opening scene of the film where we now know it was Dallas that was running out of that old church, heading towards the truck, where in the end she gets impaled by a spiked pole goes through her abdomen, he grabs the keys to the truck, and drives off into the sunset. To me it's a very so-so ending, as I am indifferent to any of the characters in the film, so this finale doesn't resonate with me.

It's just made worse where there is backstage footage of the actor who played SD Hurley rapping to the camera describing scenes from the movie. What a slap to the face after getting the proverbial kick in the balls, of which entailed watching this movie. Ladies and gentlemen, the tale of unlikable jerks killed off by a slow moving Frankenstein monster on steroids.

Wait a minute. Slow moving? So how did Dallas get a pole through her while she was running towards the truck? Everyone was able to run away from him no problem. They were able to prepare themselves when they know he is walking towards their direction. So how did El Mascardo kill her? Did he run into invisible ropes which gave him super speed? Did he throw the pipe? If so, how come it went straight through her, instead of coming at her at an angle? Was he that powerful? Did he have to run first? But if he can't run, then how could.....

FIN

And on a final note.....

In honour of the director's decision to shoot many close ups of women's bums throughout the film:

Halloween Countdown (Day 22: Film Reviewer For A Day)

In a way, deviating from the horror movie review formula for this month's blog posts does give me ideas to try out a few things, even if it is just trying to keep up with the daily quota. Okay, maybe it is cheating when I use a film review I wrote six years ago, as part of a college assignment where I had to contribute to a group effort in producing a magazine. But then again, it gives me an idea for a blog entry. Not to mention the rare chance of writing an article before I watch the movie in question, which I also haven't seen in six years.

I will get the chance to watch the sequel to "Silent Hill" at this year's Horrorthon (entitled "Silent Hill: Revelation", taking a cue from the "Resident Evil" school of sequel naming). I believe the film is also in 3D, but given the cinema where it's screened, I'm guessing it will be a 2D fare. But hey, at least I'll get a chance to watch it before its release date.

As I stated in the opening paragraph, the review below was part of an ongoing assignment in college, where I "studied" journalism. There was this guy in our class who actually worked for a local newspaper where he's from, so he actually had the necessary contacts to get potential work, such as reviewing films before their release date. There were two opportunities in the class for one of the students to review movies, one of which was some Antonio Banderas film that sounded rubbish (and apparently it was) but I can't remember the title, nor the other one.

To this day, I don't know why I didn't volunteer for these jobs, as I always wanted to be a film reviewer. I did have aspirations to be a music reviewer, but years of disillusionment with the state of the music industry knocked that on the head. But I always had a love for film, as you can tell with these blog entries this month. If I was to hazard a guess, I guess it was a combination of reluctance, lack of self confidence, and, as stupid as it sounds, the films themselves were uninteresting.

Apparently I wasn't the only one that thought that. During one class, our lecturer was notified that the students who agreed to review those two movies never showed up to the screening. So the class had one last chance to take up an offer to attend a press only screening, and if nobody turned up to that, no more will be given. While I was hard on myself for not volunteering in the first place, I thought it was stupid for the others to no-show these screenings. So I was willing to put my hand up to volunteer, no matter what movie was up for grabs. To my surprise, that film turned out to be "Silent Hill". I immediately volunteered for the job.

The screening took place on a Tuesday morning, where I was to wait outside the Savoy Cinema, along with a handful of journalists at around 10 o'clock. I mentioned my name to the guy with the guest list, and I took a seat in the main screening room, of which I've never seen so empty, in comparison to the many times I've sat there as a paying customer. It was a weird feeling to be around members of the press, as I look at them with their notebooks and pens with lighters attached. The surreal nature of this did make me feel out of place, but at the same time, I got a kick out of it. Especially as I was about to watch a movie that not only was yet to be released, but it was the type of movie that I would have paid to see anyway.

Granted, I didn't think it was a particularly good movie, but I didn't care. I got to see it before anyone else. And it was the only time that I ever felt like a proper journalist. I never did pursue a career in that field, for a variety of reasons, and what with the downturn in print media, and the rise of the internet, it would have been difficult to make a living doing that. Again it could be to do with confidence, but I don't feel my opinions have that much weight, in comparison to the hundreds of people writing their views in blogs such as this one.

I may never get the chance to do something as cool as that again, although I do get the chance to see films before their release date, through film festivals and such. But looking back at the article below, it reminded me of the joy I used to have in writing about films, no matter how good or bad they were. I guess that passion could be seen in the amount of articles I've dedicated myself to this month. So at least I know it's still there.

Above is a link to the full "Silent Hill" (which may or may not be taken off YouTube by the time you read this).

Below is the review I wrote around March 2006, which I found on an external hard drive, along with other articles and notes I saved from my college days. No alterations were made to the text below. I would post a screenshot of the article itself, but I don't know where I would have kept the magazine it was used for. Not to mention I'm too lazy to go and look for it. 

SILENT HILL (16)

Director: Christophe Gans

Starring: Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean

Release Date: 21^st April 2006

Movies based on popular computer games are hit and miss affairs. While some have turned out to be rubbish (Doom and Resident Evil: Apocalypse for example), there are others who do manage to capture the essence of the video game.

The movie starts off with Rose (Radha Mitchell) bringing her daughter to a place called Silent Hill, a place that she mentions every time she sleepwalks. After a near collision with someone on the road, Rose is knocked out when her car swerves out of the way. When she wakes up, she sees that her daughter has disappeared.

When she begins to look for her, Rose finds a fog drenched town that is completely deserted and raining ash, and she is chasing after a figure that resembles her daughter. Once the town goes into complete darkness, the scenery changes and she comes face to face with its ghoulish inhabitants. Not only does she set out to find her daughter, she also learns more about what is going on around her.

The film captures the atmosphere and the tension of the computer game. What makes the film work is that it tries to disturb you as opposed to give you sudden shocks. This is accomplished with the mixture of the monsters and the special effects used to create the hellish surroundings when the light goes out.

The main problem with the film, as with most films based on games, is with some of the characters and the dialogue, which uses cryptic messages and bible passages which sound wooden and hammy when delivered.

The movie goes downhill once police officer Cybil, (Laurie Holden) comes into play. Her performance is deplorable and as a result, you begin to care less about the main character. After a battle with a demon wielding a huge knife, when Rose says: “Hey, it’s going to be alright”, you can’t help but burst out laughing!

The subplot involving worried husband Chris (Sean Bean), where he finds out more about the mystery of Silent Hill, works well along with the main story. Unfortunately, for someone who is the more recognisable of the cast, he is underused in this film.

After a promising start and interesting story, it is a shame that the movie finishes with a vague ending that can only serve as a means for a sequel. I’m sure this movie will please its fans, but for those who are not in the know to begin with, may feel that it could have been better.

And on a final note.....

As with the "Resident Evil" series, my knowledge of the "Silent Hill" games are limited, and the only one I ever completed was "Silent Hill: Shattered Memories" for the PSP. This was apparently a remake of the first game, so at least I can move onto the second and third games if I ever get the chance. Anyways, I found this short video funny, especially towards the end.

Halloween Countdown (Day 21: Citizen Kane)

Sometimes I think it's stubbornness that's driving me to write up these blog posts. And the fact that I've run out of ideas for quick and easy articles, as the last one actually took longer than expected. So, onto Day 21, with the WWE produced "See No Evil", starring one of my favourite wrestlers. Oh yes, there will be spoilers.....I really must get around to "Saw: The Final Chapter" in the next few days.

.....oh I get it, ahahaha.....

Okay, WHY did you pick this movie?

That's the thing, I didn't. A mate of mine called to my house before I went into town, and he suggested that we watched a comedy. So we went onto Netflix, and I was browsing through the Horror section, because as much as I like my comedies, I wanted to keep with the horror theme this month, what with these time consuming blog posts, I could do with the inspiration.

So my mate hovered over "See No Evil", and I made a reference to the star of the movie, Glenn Jabobs, who is better known by his WWE alias, Kane. And his lesser known gimmicks, Dr. Isaac Yankem D.D.S., and Fake Diesel.

My mate never heard of the movie, so I told him it was a WWE movie where Kane goes around killing people. I mentioned that I haven't seen it in years, but I remember it not being as bad as critics made it out to be. He was hesitant at first to watch it, but we agreed to watch the first ten minutes of the film, just to see Kane kill someone, and find something else to watch.

85 minutes later.....

We watched it to the end, and laughed our asses off throughout the whole movie. I never realised how unintentionally funny "See No Evil" actually is. It does have a fair bit of violence, gore, crude language and some partial nudity, which is surprising as it was produced by WWE Studios, who also produced "The Marine" and "The Condemned" at the time, which were generic action flicks whose only purpose was to turn its "superstars" into action flick stars in the vein of, well, the cast members of "The Expendables" franchise (which also includes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin).

However, because it was a WWE film, expectations and standards were pretty low from the get go. While the film can be praised for some elements that were surprising, it was also guilty of poor characters, a plot filled with many holes, and some weird scenes. If it didn't have the backing of the WWE, this movie would have been easily dismissed and forgotten, but I'm unsure whether it would have gotten more or less favourable reviews. Personally, the fact that it's a WWE film helps when watching it, especially if you are going to rip the piss out of it.

The story is not an entirely original one, as it does come off as "Friday 13th" set in the hotel from "The Shining", but it'll do as the plot for a generic slasher film. A group of young convicts, along with two guards keeping an eye on them, go into an abandoned hotel to clean it up, in an effort to reducing their sentences in the way of community service. One by one they get picked off, along with their eyeballs, by Jacob Goodnight (played by Kane, but I'll be referring him as Kane throughout this article because, let's face it, it's Kane), whom one of the guards had a run in with him several years earlier, as the survivors try to find a way to stop him and escape the hotel.

Normally I don't give an outline to the plot of the films I've been looking at this month, but I'm doing so just to point out some of the holes throughout the film (I'm sure there's more that I can't think of at the moment, but this list will have to do).

• Are these convicts meant to be teenagers? If so, they're about as convincing as the teenagers in "Beverley Hills 90210"
• How come male and female convicts are allowed to congregate with each other? Isn't that the whole point of separate prisons?
• Why are they wearing civilian clothing, and not prisoner outfits? They even have accessories such as designer glasses and MP3 players.
• Why are there only two guards assigned to look after eight prisoners in a huge abandoned hotel? Infact, why are they even allowed to stay there overnight?
• Do the guards not check whether any of the prisoners are hostile, in the event that one of them may start attacking people?
• Why is it that when the male guard finds out about a connection between two of the prisoners, where one of them could be in danger, he doesn't do anything about it?
• Why is it that the only person with any mobile phone signal is the blonde chick? No wait, scratch that, why are they even allowed to carry a mobile phone?
• Why is the owner of the abandoned warehouse allowed to stay in the same vicinity as convicted criminals, especially when there's not enough guards to protect her?

If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say the original plot was to have a bunch of teenagers, each with their own character cliche (the strong female lead, the goth, the nerd, the slut, the token black guy, the jock/jerk, the nondescript couple) who wander into a dilapidated hotel for the night, with unexpected results. But I guess they had to change the story to fit with the opening scene where the guard first fought Kane, hence turning the kids into convicts.

Believe me, you'll be making a lot of wrestling references throughout the film.

With those niggling issues aside, there is fun to be had with the Kane character killing off these people, and the ways his victims meet their end. It's also funny to see the usual horror film cliches pop up, along with stupid moments from the convicts where you'd swear they were begging to be found and hacked up. But there are other times where the film takes some surprising twists, some of which could be seen as clever or surprising, such as the early demise of the only character with the most developed backstory compared to the rest of the cast, the male guard.

But of course, because it's Kane, and while he does a pretty good job as a screen monster, there are other times where you can't help but laugh at him. The weirdest scene out of the whole film is when he has the goth looking chick with tattoos in a cage, and it looks like he is pleasuring himself while staring at her. Granted there is the backstory where it shows how he turned out the way he is, and the connection with the religious tattoos the chick has.....but it's Kane pleasuring himself. Ladies and gentlemen, WWE Studios is proud to present.....Wa-Kane Off!

Then again, maybe Kane just digs chicks with tattoos.....I can relate to that.

But the funniest part of the film has to be the undignified demise of Kane. It's one thing to get a pipe to the eye and fall from a window a few stories onto a glass roof below. But when said pipe hits the window ledges in a comical fashion along the way, and the added insult of a dog urinating into the empty eye socket at the very end, you can't help but laugh out loud.

So it turned out to be a comedy after all, albeit in the form of a "by the book" horror flick. Despite its many flaws, there were still plenty of good things about it, and it was entertaining to watch. Well, at least I found it entertaining, and while my mate says it's a terrible movie, he did have fun watching it, even clapping at one point due to the originality of a particular scene that I can't quite remember. But he did come up with one brilliant joke, which I'm jealous that I didn't think of it first.

"With all those dead bodies, at least he knows the name of a good Undertaker."

And on a final note.....

The finest moment in Kane's WWE career.

Halloween Countdown (Day 20: The Screaming Brain)

Ugh, I thought I'd get at least one good night's sleep this weekend, but it hasn't worked out that way. And the fact that I went into town for a good friend's birthday celebration, I once again am worse for wear. I'm gonna take yet another shortcut in the blog entries because, I admit, writing up on movies is time consuming in itself. If I was ever to do this again, I'd write some of these in advance.

I did find time to go into the cinema last week. Granted my choice in film is questionable, but it was the last showing of its cinema run, so I thought I'd catch it before it goes. Plus I was in the mood for a brainless action flick in 3D. As this was a recent release in the cinema, I will refrain from using any spoilers if possible, and just give my general opinion, and not go into too much detail about what happens in the film.

First of all, I actually don't mind the "Resident Evil" series. Sure they have nothing in common with the style of the games, although I hear "Resident Evil 6" is more of a shooter than a survival horror game, so now the movies are in line with the games, But then again, I've only really played the first two, meant to have a go at the fourth one, and the fifth one annoyed the hell outta me after less than 30 minutes. So I'm usually not up to speed on some of the characters and zombie side effects.

Because of my recent reviews of other movies, I never got the chance to watch the others again. Sure a brief outline of the events of the previous films is used at the beginning of each sequel, but I tend to forget certain characters and parts of the (questionable) plot. With that, I'll just give a quick opinion of each film, to give an idea as to my thoughts on the series to date:

• Resident Evil - I thought it was okay, once you get over the fact that it has nothing in common with the game.
• Resident Evil: Apocalypse - It's okay, but it is a little bit stupid in parts.
• Resident Evil: Extinction - The "Mad Max" setting is a little strange, but at this point, you get what you pay for when you watch it.
• Resident Evil: Afterlife - It wasn't too bad, and since it was shot in 3D, it looked great. And of course it was nice to see Ali Larter again.....this time in 3D.....

Infact, I don't even remember if she survived at the end of "Resident Evil: Afterlife", since she's not in the new one.

Before I get to the film itself, I just want to mention that was nice to see a movie that uses 3D technology instead of the post conversion from 2D, which not only looks like crap, but is damaging the reputation of 3D films, which is already under fire for reasons such as price, use of glasses, dark screen tones, and the gimmick label. It doesn't help when the major blockbusters (such as The Avengers and The Amazing Spider Man) go the post conversion route, and the ones that actually use the technology are either not that popular or are rubbish to begin with, which adds more confusion as to the merits of 3D technology.

I could go on more about it, but this article from Cracked should suffice. Otherwise, I'll just go off topic.

And the verdict is in.....

I admit the films in the RE series are not great, but to me they are at least watchable, and have some entertainment value. But after watching "Resident Evil: Retribution", not only was this the worst movie of the series by far (and that's saying something), it is also one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And of course, it only strengthens the belief that a 3D movie is not worth watching.

The film is roughly 90 minutes long, but the feeling I had at towards the end of it was.....that's it? It felt like a section of a movie that was originally 30 to 45 minutes long, but was extended with pointless characters (such as the little girl), stupid scenarios (which involves the little girl), blatantly ripping of better movies (the opening sequence is almost identical to the beginning of the "Dawn Of The Dead" remake), and boring, extended action sequences (which comes near the end of the movie).

I might as well get the good parts out of the way, since there's not many to begin with. The first proper fight scene with Alice against a group of zombies was fun to watch. There's not many films where there's strong female protagonists, so it's always refreshing to see women who kick ass instead of being dumb damsels in distress, or as part of a forced love subplot. And of course, it helps when they're easy on the eye.....hey, I'm a bloke. What do you expect?

Oh, and there's the obligatory scene where Milla Jovovich is in the nip, but you don't really see anything.. Then again, these films were produced and mainly directed by her husband.

If only the director of the Underworld series would do the same with his wife's films.
At least it would distract me from Kate Beckinsale's lack of acting skills.

I was confused throughout the movie for a variety of reasons. Because of my lack of knowledge of the game series after the second one, I posted a question up on Facebook, as to whether there were "armed" zombies in the RE games, or if it was just a rip-off of the "Nazi Zombies" trend in film and games. The poster for the film has the tagline "Evil Goes Global", but the whole movie takes place in an underground facility. And according to the third movie, the virus has already spread around the globe, so that tagline makes no sense.

I guess it's something to do with the Red Queen from the first movie taking over Umbrella or something. Even that wasn't explained clearly, so I just had to swallow the fact that Wesker is genuinely trying to help Alice, despite taking her powers in the last installment. While it was a little distracting to see another child actress playing the Red Queen, I have to remember that the first film came out ten years ago, so of course they had to change the look of her.

Speaking of casting, and please note I'm too lazy to check character/actor names, whoever played Ada Wong has to be one of the worst actresses I've seen in a long time. At least whoever played Jill Valentine had the excuse of acting like a drone, hence the wooden delivery. And it doesn't help that the script is so bad, not even the other characters that at least make an effort onscreen, can help make the dialogue sound convincing.

I found it weird that I only knew the names of some of the characters towards the end of the movie (Leon Kennedy and Barry Burton, who are actual RE characters), as I don't remember them being introduced as such throughout the film. Because I didn't watch the other films to refresh my memory, some of the recurring characters were lost on me. And I have to say, I still find Michelle Rodriguez annoying and bland as usual (although to be fair, she was okay in the Grindhouse flick "Planet Terror"). But it was nice to see Colin Salmon (okay, I checked online for that one) from the first movie, who was also in.....wait for it.....

This is now the third reference this month.
Seriously, that was unintentional.

But the worst part of the film comes at the end, but for a different reason. I already mentioned the feeling of "that's it?" towards the end of the film, but what annoyed me was, without giving it away, the hint of another sequel. Not only that it gave the impression that nothing was really accomplished in this film, but it set up a movie that not only would I be interested in watching, but of what I wish I was watching instead of this waste of celluloid.

That annoyed the hell outta me. Judging from what I just watched, I got the feeling that the next one could very well be the last. And despite the fact that this movie was terrible, even by the film franchise's already low standards, I know I'll watch the next one. But at this point, I think it's about time that the series took a bullet to the head, and come to an end.

And on a final note.....

Speaking of how the series should end, this is an amusing short about the first game in the "Resident Evil" series.